The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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