I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
i've created a new STD.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
