he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
last night I used snow as a chaser
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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