I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
