apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
