apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
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