oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Just high enough for therapy.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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