My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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