I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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