The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
