I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
