thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
