I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
