she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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