I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize