i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
