So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Randomize
