So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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