Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize