i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
