he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
