what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
