we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Randomize
