I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Randomize
