Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
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