My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
