Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
