I hate your face
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
