I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to make out with him forever
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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