I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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