when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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