My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize