Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
