Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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