Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
