Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
