by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Randomize
