question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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