He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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