you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize