New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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