Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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