Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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