I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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