ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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