You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
