I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
