im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
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