Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
