Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
