yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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