I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
