Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
