I don't usually arrange sex via text message
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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