when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
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my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
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He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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