I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
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