ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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