Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
