Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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