I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
