If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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